What if she says no???


So I finally got a hold of the woman I was going to ask to be my sponsor.  When she answered the phone I stumbled around but finally got out the words…”Would you maybe be willing to possibly be my temporary sponsor”?  Whew I did it!  That wasn’t so hard.  “Kristin” she said.  “I would love to but my sponsor has told me that I should not sponsor others at this time.  I am not sure if you know or not, but I am a licensed therapist and it was getting to be too much for me to council women during the day and after hours as well.  I am so sorry!  I really would like to but I have to follow orders on this one.  Do you have anyone else in mind”?  I quickly apologized and responded “No but I am sure I can find someone.  Really it’s no big deal.  I am so sorry to bother you.  I totally understand how busy you are”.  God I felt so stupid.  She followed up by asking me “So tell me, how have you been”?  We talked for about a half an hour.  What a fantastic talk too.  She was so honest and open and really wonderful to talk to.  She made me promise to call her while I was on the lookout for a sponsor.  I told her I would.  When I got off the phone, it occurred to me, that I had asked someone a question, I had been turned down and really nothing bad happened.  It was a revelation for me.  Sometimes the answer will be NO and that is okay.  I don’t need to drink in fear of hearing no or in disappointment from hearing no.   I didn’t die of embarrassment.  The world didn’t stop spinning.  It was just NO.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.  Thanks God for that gentle lesson that I so desperately needed to learn.  Thank you for putting this lovely woman in my path and for the wonderful conversation we had.   Now I am ready.  Will you please introduce me to MY sponsor? 


11 responses to “What if she says no???

  • Kim

    Wow! You inspire me . . . Again.

  • runningonsober

    Love this.

    Plus, what a gift also for the lady you called to ask. She was able to gently say “no,” without anything bad happening either. Some people have such a hard time saying thank you, but no thank you, and if her sponsor suggested she not take on any new sponsees, it was probably an issue she needed help with as well.

    I’m happy for both of you. And… you have someone you can call in the interim too.

    Hey, why not ask her if she could recommend another lady to you, maybe even her own sponsor?

  • sherryd32148

    You can just start up a conversation with some other women at your meeting by saying, “Hey guys…I’m new and looking for a sponsor. Got any suggestions on how I go about finding one?” That puts the ball in their court to either 1. step up to the plate or 2. recommend someone for you. You could ask a few people and maybe “interview” a few possible sponsors.

    I said the same exact thing to my sponsor when I was in AA. Do you think you might, maybe possibly want to temporarily sponsor me? How lame…but I felt SO vulerable and small then. I was so raw and exposed. The best part about AA is that everyone has felt the same way so they are all (for the most part) gentle and kind when they interact with newbies.

    Keep going – you’ll find someone and it will just click.

    PS – I was sooooo just kidding about the blogroll. As long as you keep posting I’ll be here to keep reading and supporting you.

    • kristinrecovering

      You are so sweet:-) There is this one woman who is stalking me to be my sponsor and I really don’t want her:( She is constantly calling and cornering me at meetings. YIKES! I hope I find someone soon before she bullies me into it…LOL!

  • carrythemessage

    Great post and insight into the fact that “no” isn’t life shattering or crushing. Christy beat me to the punch there in also suggesting that hearing “no” and saying “no” are great learning experiences for us. It helps to show boundaries at work – setting and respecting..for ourselves and others. It’s very difficult for us to say “no” to someone, and it’s very difficult to hear it as well. We get all into fears of rejection, abandonment, etc. Old stuff. Saying no has been a freeing thing for me when needed and hearing it is totally fine and I know where the lines are drawn and I realize it’s never personal.

    Anyway, glad to hear the conversation went well. In terms of a sponsor, the one thing i always suggest is that you pray for one to come into your path. That is what I did, and I still do for sponsees. When I pray for sponsees or those who need help to cross my path, it always comes sooner than later. Pray for the right woman to come into your path…and hey, she might already be there but you don’t know it yet 🙂

    More will be revealed…


    • recoveringkristin

      Thanks for the words of wisdom Paul. I made that my prayer this morning. 🙂 I know you are right. God always takes care of me…..usually in His own time, but he always takes care of me. I have to slow myself down sometimes and realize this is a process and not a race. There is no finish line. My perfectionism gets me into trouble by thinking I have to lick this alcoholism thing once and for all. I get overwhelmed when I see that it is a life long process and it truly is one day at a time. I was hoping to have it all wrapped up by Thanksgiving:-)

      Thanks again Paul. Always great to hear from you!

  • fern

    I’m glad you stopped by my blog and led me to yours. This post hits home with me as I do not have a sponsor either. Thanks for sharing your journey!

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